I blame it on my parents and my childhood

Most people say they blame their behaviors and actions on their childhood and the way that they were brought up, well so do I but maybe not in the same way. I had a GREAT childhood! Probably the best one ever! We grew up in a fantastic neighborhood where we were surrounded by kids our ages. We had street wide water fights and snowball wars, played night games until way past dark, had the world's best trick-or-treating route, walked to Holiday, searched the "woods" for the "hobo" living there, spent summer nights sleeping on the trampoline, had the best dodge ball tournaments, spent many hours on a bike or on roller blades; you name it or think it up and we probably did it! We had the BEST neighborhood!

I was reflecting on my childhood the other day and while I had a great one I realized I probably wasn't the easiest child to raise.

•  I had one sibling I did NOT get along with, unless it was at the expense of someone else. I had another sibling that I competed for attention with on everything! We are polar opposites and different in every way possible, we fought more then we got along. Another sibling that I constantly got into mischief and trouble with, we got along great and were best friends but we kept mom and dad busy! Then I was mom to the youngest two, I protected and loved on those boys so much (probably a little too much!) But because of all my siblings I learned how to get along with people, I learned how so many different personalities is what brings beauty to the world, we all have something unique and awesome to offer!

• I had issues!  I was terrified of fires (don't ask me why, but I couldn't even listen to The Little Mermaid song where it says "what is a fire and why does it whats the word burn") I had a plan on how I would get my entire family out of the house when we had a fire and no one woke up to the alarm, I was convienced this was going to happen. I don't know where this fear came from but it involved many break downs and tears every night. I was terrified of bad guys and mom had to remind me every night that no one was going to break in my room (on the 2nd floor) and kidnap me. I cried constantly! For no reason at all I just cried ALL the time! Through this my parents taught me compassion and patience, I am sure there were times they wanted to yell at me but they always lovingly reminded me that I was ok and there was nothing to worry about because they were there, it showed me that my mom and dad are my heroes!

• I didn't "need" my mom I was a daddy's girl through and through. I always wanted to be by his side! I learned to change tires, my oil, my brakes, how to re roof a house, I loved going to his classes where I sat quietly and colored because it meant I got to be with him, I learned how to pull the best pranks and tricks on people. But mom was ALWAYS there for me! She cared for me when I was sick, she supported me in everything I did, she was my rock and strength when dad was a puddle of nerves and emotions with my "adventures", My parents taught me what unconditional love is! They never gave up on me, they gave me my roots and let me spread my wings, they taught me to reach for my dreams and never settle for anything. 

• I was a difficult teenager! I was DRAMA with a capital D! I hated a certain sibling and was determined to ruin the relationship that sibling had with my mom because my mom and I didn't have that relationship. The sibling that I competed with attention for (mentioned above) was sick a lot as a child and needed my mom, this sibling was very shy as a child where I wasn't so he/she depended on my mom a lot more then me, I was a very independent person and didn't want or need mom as much as the other sibling but I HATED how close they were! I hated their relationship, I was rude and moody and DRAMA! But during these times my parents still loved me, they tried to make a relationship with me even when I was so rude and hateful, they taught me how important it is to love those especially when they are being difficult.

So yes I blame my parents for the person that I am today! Everything positive that I am I owe to them! They taught me love, compassion, patience, selflessness, determination, the importance of following my dreams, how to be a good daughter and sister (most the time), to put others before myself, to be silly, to laugh, to stand up for myself, etc etc. My parents are amazing and gave us kids such an amazing childhood! I really am blessed and lucky to be their daughter!

Live Like A Lightning Bug

It's no secret that I am obsessed with lightning bugs! They are amazing! They are so magical and just so fantastic!! For Halloween I was none other then a lightning bug! I made a shirt that said, "Live like a lightning bug, how could you be glum if you had light shine out your bum". I had a light that blinked all night and I loved every minute of it!!

 

Fall

Living back East*ish  I have discovered a whole new love for the fall! It is absolutely breath taking BEAUTIFUL out here! The leaves change into colors I have never seen: fire orange, crimson red, neon yellow, purple, etc. The trees have so many colors mixed into just that one tree, it is amazing! I think everyone needs to see a fall back east before they die, it just makes you so grateful for the beautiful earth that we are blessed to live on! My pictures do not do it justice but I couldn't stop taking them. I LOVE FALL!!

525,600 minutes

• 525,600 minutes that's what we call a year, 1 year, one year.. So much can happen in just one year and I can honestly say that this past year has probably been the most exhausting, tiring, trying, frustrating, difficult year that I personally have ever encountered. I have never been knocked down and forced to get back up as many times as I have in the past 12 months. I can honestly say I don't think I have cried as much in my life as I have this past year, had as many melt downs, felt like my heart had been shattered, been discouraged and just felt completely broken. 

•  525,600 minutes that's what we call a year, 1 year, one year.. So much can happen in just one year and I can honestly say that I have grown and changed so much in this past 12 months. Changed for what I believe is the better. I have had to stand up for myself and keep pushing when so many others didn't believe in me but in doing this I learned I CAN, I CAN DO WHATEVER I BELIEVE I CAN! I can do whatever I put my mind to and the only person I need standing behind me is myself, I CAN move mountains!

•  In this past year I have had to sit back and watch as two different friends each lost their beautiful daughters, it's so heartbreaking to have to watch another loved one (or two) say goodbye to their child way to soon. That brought up so many emotions and rocked me pretty hard, I know these losses aren't as significant to me as they are to their families but when I can count on more then 2 hands the number of people I have had to watch bury their kids it really starts to effects you.. However from this heartache I was reminded once again how important family is and how important MY family is to me! I cherish every minute of them when I see them, I know life can change so drastically and that NONE of us are guaranteed another moment. This past year my eyes have been opened to the everyday small miracles in life and I try to cherish every moment, I am still not perfect but I try my best and that is all I can do. 

• In the past year I have learned who my REAL friends are, I have learned a self discipline that I never have had before, I have found confidence and love for myself, I have learned patience in a whole new way, I have learned (still learning) what forgiveness really is, I have grown so much spiritually, I have grown in ways that I don't think can be explained.

•  525,600 minutes that's what we call a year, 1 year, one year.. So much can happen in just one year and by getting knocked down so hard so many times has caused me to stand up a little taller each time and over the past year I have GROWN so much.. I don't know if I can fully say that I am grateful for all of the challenges of the past year but I am amazed and the outcome of this year, I am amazed at myself and how I can do this, so here is to looking at every challenge as a growing opportunity ( after I cry, throw a fit, curse, do whatever needs to be done)I will stand up and say, "You can't get me, you may knock me down but I will always stand up a little taller and stronger."

She Amazes Me

This little girl; all kids with T-18 for that matter; simply amazes me with their strength, determination, will power and spirit. They bring so much love into my life and make me more grateful for all that I have and can do. She truly amazes me and I love her so much!! The other day during therapy we brought M outside to do her PT she walked up and down the drive way so well and it is a bit of a hill

She was in the mood to stand so she stood in the kitchen and helped me get lunch ready

She loves to walk and so we came up with a way for her to have more freedom, use more of her muscle and save our backs from bending over.. You guessed it a panty hose and a maxi pad, who would have thought the things women hate the most could have so many possibilities and who needs expensive equipment this is stuff you have at home!

Nursing

School has started and when I finish I will graduate on May 13th, 2014! I am so excited to finally be doing something I love and have interest in! Don't get me wrong it's a lot of book work, studying and homework but I LOVE it! I am a huge hands on / visual learner so I am loving the lab part where we are doing everything! I can't wait for clinical and to be out on the field! It's fun to wear scrubs and have the initials SN (student nurse) behind my name.. I know it is early on and I might not be this enthusiastic about it in a few months but right now I am loving it and I have never been so determined in my life to do something!

Home

Nothing in the world makes this girl more happy then being able to see my family. I miss them so much when I am gone and LOVE being able to go home and spend time with them!! In July I was able to go home for two weeks, I didn't tell anyone that I was coming because I needed this trip to be about family and not stressing over seeing everyone and there dog. I needed just family time and I think that the family needed some Kourtni time as well. Family time is just what we had and I couldn't be happier! I finally got to meet my brothers girlfriend and her two kids so I was pretty happy to spend time with all my nieces and nephews! Siblings and parents. We went to the pool many times, we did our "drive in" theater where we project a movie on the garage, we went and released balloons at my brothers grave, as a surprise my little brother bought lanterns for us to release in memory of Kayne (they didn't work the best but it was still really cool!), my lil bro and sis in law went to the real drive in with me. We spent time at g'ma and g'pa's. Went for walks, went to the park and went on our annual camping trip to Moon Lake. I am so glad that I was able to go home and it was nice to have so much time with family, one of my favorite parts was just sitting on the couch watching t.v. with dad, I'm a daddy's girl 100%! I can't even begin to say how much I love my family! Every single one of them! I know I am who I am today because I have K and J for parents, Gok, Elfie, Little Brother, Dean, Turk and Kayne for siblings. L, K, L and D for sister in laws and Baby Girl, Bubbers, Bean, Peanut, Butter and Jelly for nieces and nephews! Saying goodbye never gets easier even after all the times I have done it, I love my family so much and I am so proud to be a Knobel! *I suck at taking my camera with me and taking pictures! My sister has a lot of pictures on her camera that I need to try to get. Bubbers and me

Moon lake

These two are the best buddies

Africa style baby wearing still pays off

They were this dirty the WHOLE time

Mud Monsters

Peanut, Butter and Jelly napping

Getting balloons ready for Kayne

The lanterns

Indiana

Back in May I had a few days off between semesters and wanted to get away for a bit. I called up my aunt and asked if I could come visit for a few days and to my delight she said yes. It has been so much fun living closer to them, since I didn't get to see them to much while we were growing up. On my first day there my aunt let my cousin leave school early and her and I went out and saw the town. We went to lunch and then downtown where the Ohio River is ( I looked like a total tourist but give me credit I had never seen it before:)...) After that we went and got FroYo and then we tagged along to watch my uncle race, I like to call him Lance Armstrong. It was really cool to see him ride in person. The next day my aunt didn't work so I got to hang out with her. We watched a movie, went to lunch and she took me to see her work. It was a very relaxing time and so much fun to be able to spend it with such cool people! I told them I will have to come over more often, it's totally worth the 8 hour drive. Thanks L&L!!

Painting

My good friend M is an amazing painter and one day asked me to paint with her. I was very skeptical because I have no talent and didn't want my art work to be next to hers. We were painting her kitchen cabinets but I gave in and painted, while I still don't think I have much talent in it I have discoverd how much I loved it! It is so relaxing and you can change a plain thing into whatever you want it to be. I love painting as a past time, it's something I do at night to relaz and take my mind off things. I am so grateful to M for sharing her love and talent with me! Two paintings I have done

The cabinet I painted

M painting at the park

Change

So to start off I would say that I am one that loves change, I adapt to it easily, I am one that rolls with the punches and can handle (mostly) anything that life throws my way. Well for some reason the past couple of months I have had a really hard time, I couldn't figure out why I was in a slump and why I couldn't get out. I was just struggling and couldn't figure out why. Well the other day I realized what it was for some reason I wasn't handling the changes that were taking place. For the first time I didn't have a handle on them and I couldn't roll with the flow. So many changes were happening that I felt like my life was a tornado going full speed around me and I couldn't grasp anything, I even started developing an anxiety. As soon as I realized what it was that had me down and off it was like a huge fog was lifted. I have decided to embrace all the changes that have taken place and face the changes that are coming with a smile and a good attitude. I know it'll take time and I know I'm not perfect but this is how I want to be. Life is so much better when you're happy! Speaking of changes a very large change is about to happen.... I got ACCEPTED into the RN program! I am so excited and nervous, and already a little stress. I know that no sleep is coming, long days, many tests, lots of information but a dream come true.. I am so excited to have a career and I think nursing will be such a perfect field for me. I also want to admit that I am proud of myself, about half of the applicants are accepted so I know it's a big thing and I worked hard to get in.

So life throw me all the changes you want and I will do the best to embrace them the best I can! I am ready for it and I am going to try to look at life with the correct attitude. Look out life Kourtni is ready for you!