I wish I didn't know what death was like. My roommate and I were talking the other day and he mentioned how he has never really been to a funeral or experienced death, that is something I can't wrap my head around. Just off the top of my head I can count 35 funerals that I have been to, 35, that is so many! I think what is more shocking about that is 90% of those were for people who left this earth to early, mainly children.
I wish I didn't know what "terminally ill" looks like. Some of the most amazing children I have had the opportunity of knowing ( and being a nanny for 3of them) have been given the phrase "terminally ill", or "incompatible with life" to live with. These children have so many more gifts and so much more love to give in this life I don't know why they would ever get such negative labels. I have learned so much from these children, I have literally held angels in my arms, been the closest to Heaven I will ever be on this Earth but because of their diagnosis' that means a lot of those little ones leave this earth to soon and that is a heart break that can't be described.
I wish I didn't know what alcoholism or drug addiction looks like. It hurts so much to see someone that you love so much be at the mercy of a substance, it is a sickness that has controlled their lives and it is so hard to sit back and watch as they are in the hands of something so toxic.
I wish I didn't know what elderly/child abuse looked like. Abuse of any form is something that I will never ever understand and it is so upsetting to see someone you love so much fall victim to such a selfish act.
I wish I didn't know what disease looks like. The strongest lady I know walks around everyday with a body that is attacking itself, she has been through countless surgeries and is on so many different pain aids just to help her get around daily, a disease that is changing the strength and shape of her body, a disease that there is no cure for.
I wish I didn't know what infant and child death looks like. I have a 2 friends that had to leave the hospital empty handed because their little girls passed away way to soon and another friend who had to bury her beautiful 4 year old daughter. I will never be able to get over having someone who you care for so much deal with such a loss.
I wish I didn't know what paralysis looks like. My best friend had a body that worked perfectly and then one day woke up to being completely paralyzed. I can't tell you how frustrating it is to watch your hero work so hard to just do the simplest things that I take for granted every day.
I wish I didn't know what mental illness looks like. Whatever illness it is, it is sad. It's sad that mental illness has such a negative stigma because it is a real illness that deserves the treatment and respect of any other illness.
While some days I wish I didn't know what these things looked like or what it is like to know or be that someone that lives with them I will never trade the people and lessons for ANYTHING.
My life has been impacted by all of those 35 people who's funeral I went to and I am honored to have known them, I will go to a million more funerals if it means I get to meet such incredible people!
I am so incredibly lucky that I have gotten to meet so many of God's Angels! That I have been able to be a nanny for 3 of them is a treasure I will always hold, the labels the doctors gave these kids were so wrong! I can't even explain the gift it is to be in the presence of these children!
I would stand by a loved ones side time and time again as they face their addictions, I will be the rock for them to lean on and hand that wipes their tears. I will fight with them as they prove they are stronger then they think they are.
Abuse is something I will never be ok with but because I have loved ones that have fallen victim to it I hope that means I will stand up for it more, speak out when it is needed and try to make it disappear.
My grandma is amazing and never lets her disease or her pain change her attitude and love for life! I will always look up to her and try to have the attitude and compassion that she does. She has taught me so much because of her disease and that is what I am thankful for.
Child and infant death is something I can't understand but I will never get the image of holding my friends daughter in my arms, I try to remember that each day and each person is a gift and to cherish every moment with them because none of us know when it will end.
My friend has taught me so much! She has turned her paralysis into something positive, she is so grateful for every small thing she can do, she has really discovered the beauty in life and has really learned to admire and love all the small things, something I need to do.
Mental illness is something that so many people face and I want to help get rid of the negative stigma so that it can get the help and attention that it needs.
I am so far from perfect and I know that life can be so much harder then I feel like it sometimes is and I am so grateful for every experience and person I have met and continue to meet along my journey so it just means I need to bandage my heart (instead of putting walls up to protect it) and let it stay open to people and opportunities.
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